Are You Sabotaging Your Own Happiness? Here's Why
Soul Notes · Live Your True Essence
You finally get the thing you've wanted for SO long, and somehow it starts slipping through your fingers. Let's look at what's really going on, my love.
Have you ever wanted something SO much, worked your heart out to get there, and then the moment it actually arrived you had no idea what to do with it?
Maybe the relationship you'd dreamed of started to wobble the minute it felt real. Maybe the business finally took off and you felt strangely flat about it. Or the calm, easy season you'd been praying for turned up and you caught yourself stirring up a little drama just to fill the space🥴
😩"Why can't I just be happy when things are FINALLY good?!"
I feel you, my love😅 I used to do this ALL the time and had no idea I was doing it.
If any of that sounds familiar, there's a chance you're sabotaging your own happiness, and most of us can't see it even looking back. So let's look at what's actually happening in your energy, and how you can start letting yourself have (and keep!) the good things your Soul's been calling in✨
How do I know if I'm sabotaging my happiness?
You may be sabotaging your happiness if good things keep slipping away soon after you get them, if you feel uneasy when life's going well, or if you catch yourself creating problems just as things settle down. The same ending turning up in totally different areas of your life is a big clue.
I'd work SO hard to get myself to a place I wanted to be, and then all of a sudden it seemed to disappear.
It was like I never fully connected with the fact that I'd arrived, so it got fed up with me not enjoying it and decided to leave😂
Patti Higgins
What made me sit up and pay attention was that it kept happening in completely different parts of my life. Different situations, same ending, every single time. So I went into the energetics of it, and boy did I find some old cobwebs that needed cleaning!
Old beliefs about being happy
Did you know that most self-sabotage comes from old beliefs you've attached to being happy? They were usually created to keep you safe, often when you were little, and they drive your thoughts, feelings and actions towards whatever outcome proves them right, even when that's the exact opposite of what you want.
One of mine started when I was a little girl. I had a moment where I felt completely Soul-happy, following my joy, and then something terrible happened that had nothing to do with it. As a child you can't see that clearly, so I decided that if I was Soul-happy, something bad would happen.
I'd let that belief (and a few of its friends😏) run my experience of happiness for years. No wonder it never seemed to stick around!
And some of these beliefs were never yours to begin with, my love. They were handed to you by your family, your culture or the people who raised you, long before you got any say in it. "Don't get too excited." "Things like that aren't for people like us." "Enjoy it while it lasts." You may have soaked them up as a little one and carried them around as your own ever since.
What are the most common blocks to happiness?
They're old beliefs about whether you're allowed to have happiness at all, and whether it's safe for it to stay once it turns up. They often sound SO normal that you don't even notice them, and yet they shape everything you do once happiness actually arrives.
Do any of these sound familiar?
- 😣"I can't actually have it."
- 😔"I don't deserve it."
- 😩"It just won't happen for me."
- 😕"It never lasts."
- 😬"Every time I get happy, something bad happens."
- 😟"Something's bound to go wrong soon."
There's always more than one reason for anything coz life's SO multi-faceted, and you might find a few of these all tangled up together like a drawer full of necklaces (and trust me, untangling them is SO worth it😉).
Stuck in wanting, even once you have it
Once you actually get the thing, your energy needs a moment to adjust to having it. If there are blocks in the way, they keep you running the energy of wanting, so even when happiness arrives, part of you's still reaching for it instead of living in it.
So when you finally get what you've been working towards, let yourself really feel it. Feel the energy of being happy NOW, in your body, until your chest opens and your shoulders drop, and let yourself shift out of the energy of wanting.
This is the exact moment old blocks tend to react. They drive your thoughts, feelings, actions and behaviour in whatever direction supports them being true, which can end with you losing the very thing you worked so hard for. And all along, my love, it's an old part of you doing its very best to protect you💖
How do I stop sabotaging my happiness?
Start by noticing what shows up in your body when you imagine having the things that bring you Soul joy. Then ask whose beliefs those are, and upgrade the ones that don't support you having it.
A practice for when happiness feels wobbly
Let yourself have it
You can do this one anywhere, standing at the kitchen bench waiting for the kettle, sitting in the car before you head inside, or in the shower where nobody can ask you for anything😂
Think of something that lights up your Soul
Got it? Hold it in your mind for a moment and let yourself imagine it's already yours.
Notice your body
Is there any tension anywhere? A tight chest, a clenched jaw, a heavy tummy? Your body usually answers before your head does.
Notice the thoughts and feelings
What comes up as you imagine having this, right now? Let the thoughts come without arguing with them.
Ask whose they are
Are these thoughts yours, or do they sound a whole lot like someone you grew up around? And do they support you actually having that beautiful experience?
Upgrade the belief
If they don't, acknowledge each belief as it becomes clear and choose a new one that does support you, like "I'm safe to be happy and to stay happy." Say it out loud if you can, and breathe it all the way down into your belly.
Tension is information, my love. Sometimes it's an old belief, sometimes it's nerves about something new, and sometimes it isn't even yours. Get curious about it, and come back to this practice whenever happiness starts feeling wobbly. (If there's tension with a physical cause, always check in with your doctor. This work focuses on the energetic part of what's happening.)
How does self-sabotage show up in your energy?
It shows up the moment you connect to the energy of something you want, coz all the beliefs you've attached to it rise up to the surface at once. That means you can see how it's likely to unfold if nothing changes, and you get the chance to shift those blocks before they shape your experience.
I find this SO much fun, I'm not even kidding😍 I explore whatever comes up through my day with curiosity, and you can too. It's only energy, my love, and energy can shift💫
Sabotaging your own happiness: FAQs
Why do good things never last for me?
Often it's an old belief attached to happiness, like "it never lasts" or "something bad always follows". Beliefs like these steer your choices in ways that make them come true. Once you notice them and choose new ones that support you, good things finally have room to stay, my love.
What is self-sabotage, energetically?
Energetically, self-sabotage is an old block doing its job of keeping you safe. It was created during a hard experience, and it reacts whenever something similar shows up, even when the new thing's good for you. It's protection that's outlived its purpose, and you can thank it and let it go.
How can I tell if a belief is holding me back?
Check in with your body. When you think about having what you want, notice any tension, heaviness or tightness and get curious about it. It might be an old belief, nerves about something new, or a belief you picked up from someone else. Ask whose it is before you decide what to do with it.
Can childhood experiences affect happiness as an adult?
Yes, SO much. Alot of the beliefs that run our adult lives were created in childhood, when we made sense of things the best way we could. A child can link joy with something bad happening, and that belief can stay put for decades until it's noticed and upgraded.
Let yourself have it
Sabotaging your own happiness usually comes from an old part of you that's trying to keep you safe. When you notice what rises as you imagine having what you love, and upgrade the beliefs that don't support you, you're giving yourself permission to have the good things AND keep them, my love💖 And you don't have to untangle the deep ones on your own.
1:1 with Patti
Unbraced: The Session
If you can feel something running underneath, something you've been circling for years, this is where I'd love to meet you🤗 Unbraced: The Session is 60 minutes, just you and me, where I read your entire field of existence, clear the energy that was never yours to carry and follow what's left back to its place of origin so it can be restructured there✨ It's all held within my Energetic Architecture Method™, by phone if you're in Australia or audio-only Zoom anywhere else in the world, and physical distance doesn't dilute the work at all😍
$360 · 60 minutes
It's energetic and intuitive work, not therapy or medical care.
So much love,
Patti
xoxo😘🤗💖🌸💃
