Not Feeling Supported? The Block Behind Feeling Let Down
Soul Notes · Live Your True Essence
You're the one everyone leans on, and when you finally reach out, you walk away feeling more alone than before. You're allowed to be held too, my love.
How are your conversations feeling lately, my love?
Do they leave you feeling a bit let down, like your needs are sitting at the very bottom of everyone's list (yours included😬)? Have you ever reached out to someone you love on a really hard day, and walked away feeling even more alone than when you started?
If you're not feeling supported by the people around you, especially when you're the one who's ALWAYS there for everyone else, I see you🤗 It's one of the most painful places to be, and it makes SO much sense that you're tired.
😣"I'm there for everyone else, so why is nobody ever there for me?!"
I feel you, my love😅 For years I was everyone's soft place to land, bending and folding and contorting to keep the peace, and I didn't have a clue how to let anyone hold me back.
Did you know that there's an energetic reason this keeps happening? Once you can see it, the hurt starts to loosen its grip, and you can start finding support in the places it can actually come from✨
Why do I keep feeling let down by the people I love?
Alot of the time there's an expectation block sitting underneath it. This block hides one really important thing from you: everyone's emotional state in that moment decides how they're able to support you, so you keep reaching for a kind of support that just isn't available right then.
Picture it. You're upset and you go to someone you love, and they're already stressed to the eyeballs themselves. You're hoping they'll be calm and clear and steady for you, and they can't be, coz calm and clear isn't anywhere inside them right then.
So you walk away disappointed, and they probably feel it too (that awkward "did I do something wrong?" energy hanging in the air🥴). Nobody's actually done anything wrong. The support you needed and the state they were in didn't match up, and that's all.
Some of what you're feeling was never yours
If you're the one everyone leans on, you're probably carrying alot more than your own feelings. You walk into the kitchen and within a minute you know who's had a rough day. You hang up the phone and your chest's gone tight, and it isn't even your problem. And all of it comes home with you and climbs into bed with you at night😩
"Other people's feelings, reactions and expectations aren't yours to carry, my love. How you feel in response to them is yours to tend."💖
Patti Higgins
That sorting matters SO much, coz you can't move an energy that doesn't belong to you. You can do all the work in the world on it and it just sits there, coz it was never yours to work with.
When you let go of what was never yours, suddenly there's room to feel what you actually need. And very often what you need is support, which brings us to the bit I really want you to hear.
Why can't some people support you right now?
They can only offer what they've got in that moment.
Would you ask a car mechanic to operate on your heart? I'm guessing not (but hey, no judgement if you would😂). A mechanic hasn't got the skills of a heart surgeon, so you wouldn't expect a successful operation, right? Wanting emotional support from someone who isn't in a state to give it is exactly the same.
I LOVE this example coz it takes the blame out of it for both of you. The mechanic isn't a bad person for not knowing heart surgery, and the person you love isn't failing you when they're too stretched to hold you. They're stretched, you're hurting, and you both get to be human about it🤗
Where can support actually come from?
From way more places than you've been letting it, my love.
- 💞 The person who's got the capacity today (which might not be the person you always go to first)
- 💞 The friend who's calm this week, even if last week they were a mess
- 💞 The one who's brilliant at practical stuff, for the days you need a meal more than a deep chat
- 💞 Your own body, when you come back into it and let it settle
- 💞 Someone whose whole role is to hold the space for you while the layers unravel
- 💞 You, tending what's yours with the same love you hand out to everyone else
Tending what's yours doesn't mean doing it alone. Everyone's nervous system needs someone holding the space sometimes, and that includes you, the one who holds it for everyone else. Asking for help is part of looking after yourself, and you get to choose who you ask based on where they're at💫
What are my emotions trying to tell me?
Every emotion is information. Some of your feelings are yours, and they're pointing you towards something you need. Some you've picked up along the way from the people and places around you, and they're asking to be put down.
When you feel "off" and there's tension in your body, get curious about it. Is this mine? Is it an old pattern rising up? Is it nerves about something new? The tension's a signal to pay attention, and the answer can be different every single time.
And those moments when you feel ease and joy and a bit of space in your body? Let yourself have them FULLY😍 They're showing you what it feels like to be home in yourself.
A little practice for the let-down days
When the disappointment hits
You don't need to take yourself off anywhere special for this one. You can do it in the car after the phone call, standing at the kitchen bench, or with the bathroom door locked for two minutes (I won't tell😉).
Come back to your body
Breathe all the way down into your belly and feel your feet on the floor, until you feel your shoulders start to drop.
Ask, "Is this mine?"
Notice what you're feeling and feel for whether it belongs to you or to someone else. Your body usually answers before your head has finished arguing about it😂
Let go of what isn't yours
Breathe it out and let it head back to wherever it came from, with love. You can adore someone AND hand back their stuff🛒
Tend what's yours
Ask yourself what you actually need right now, and give yourself a little of it, even if it's a cuppa and five minutes with your eyes closed.
Reach for the right support
Choose who to ask based on who's got the capacity today, or let someone whose role it is hold the space for you🤗
Not feeling supported: FAQs
Why do I feel let down by the people closest to me?
Alot of the time it's an expectation block. You're hoping for a kind of support the other person can't offer from the state they're in right then. Their state decides what they can give, so it really helps to sort what's yours first, then choose who you ask based on where they're at.
What's an expectation block?
It's an energetic pattern that keeps you expecting a certain kind of support from someone who can't give it right now. It hides the fact that everyone's support depends on their own state in that moment, so you keep reaching for the same person and keep walking away disappointed.
Why do I feel so heavy after helping everyone else?
When you're sensitive, you can take on other people's feelings and worries as well as your own, and they all come home with you. Asking "Is this mine?" helps you let go of what was never yours, so there's room to notice and tend what you actually need.
Is it ok to need support when I'm the strong one?
Absolutely, my love. Everyone's nervous system needs someone holding the space sometimes, and that includes the people who hold it for everyone else. Letting yourself be supported is part of looking after yourself, and you more than deserve it.
You're allowed to be held too
When you're not feeling supported, it's so often a sign you've been carrying the whole room. Let go of what was never yours, tend what is, and let the people with the capacity (and the people whose role it is to hold you) actually hold you, my love💖
A Soul Rhythm tool
Home to My Field
Ever feel like you've done everyone's shopping and now your trolley's loaded with other people's stuff?🛒 Home to My Field is my four-minute practice for sorting that trolley right in the middle of your real day. Shaped by my Energetic Architecture Method™, it brings you into your golden orb, asks "Is this mine?", lets the sun take what was never yours and gives what's yours a little time and love, so you walk back into your day from inside your own Sovereign Field✨
$27 · yours to keep
Yes please, help me sort my trolley
Nothing you type's saved or sent anywhere. It's a self-care practice, not medical care.
I'm sending you so much love and cheering you on,
Patti
xoxo😘🤗💖🌸💃
