New Year Resolutions That Stick: The Gift of Allowing

What will you allow yourself to be, do and have, my love?

I know, it's a funny question. Most of us are SO much more used to asking what we need to force ourselves to do. Lose the weight. Stop the habit. Finally get organised. Push through.

😤"This year I'm REALLY going to stick to it!"

(Said every one of us, every January, usually with a brand new planner in hand😂)

If you've ever wondered how to make new year resolutions that stick, this is where I'd start. Every moment of your life's full of chances to do things differently, and you don't need to wait for the first of January or the first of the month to take one. Choosing to allow is the step most of us skip, and it's the one that makes change feel possible again. Let me show you why, and how it shifted my whole relationship with my own body✨

Why do goals and resolutions fail?

Did you know that most goals fail coz they're built on force? Force is an energy that works against something, and anything you work against creates resistance. Most of us don't do well when we feel forced, so resentment builds up towards the very thing we're trying to do, and eventually we give up.

Think about the last resolution you set. Stop eating sugar, stop smoking, stop scrolling at night. It was all about stopping, it felt like a punishment from day one, and there wasn't a scrap of joy in it anywhere.

So you went back to the old, comfortable, familiar way, and this time it felt even worse, coz now there was a whole story attached about how you'd failed again🥴

I feel you, my love😅 I've started more fresh-start Mondays than I could ever count.

Your system was doing its job. When change feels like a fight, it reaches for what feels safe.

Whose voice is "push through"?

That pushing voice often isn't even yours, my love. Sometimes it belongs to a parent, a teacher, a workplace or a whole culture that told you rest had to be earned and change had to hurt.

Before you set your next goal, listen to the tone of it in your head. Does it sound like you, or does it sound like someone you grew up around (you know the one😏)?

Noticing this one thing can take SO much pressure off, coz you stop trying to live up to a standard that was never yours in the first place.

What does allowing actually mean?

Allowing means working towards something you'd love at a pace that feels comfortable, taking one small inspired action at a time and letting it settle before you take the next one. It's giving your whole system permission to come along with you.

You don't need to make massive changes everywhere all at once. Trying to overhaul your whole life in a week is usually where the overwhelm creeps in (along with the takeaway menu and an early night😏).

When you allow, you're telling your body, "This is safe, we're going somewhere good." And your body hears you. Your shoulders drop, your mind opens up, and suddenly you can see options you couldn't see while you were bracing against yourself.

Your 'why' is what pulls you forward

Your 'why' shows you what you're moving towards, and that's what inspires you to keep going. When you only focus on what you don't want anymore, the resistance comes straight back.

So instead of "I have to stop eating junk", your why might be "I'd love to feel light and full of energy when I play with my kids". Instead of "I need to stop saying 'yes' to everything", it might be "I'd love to have evenings that feel like mine".

Can you feel the difference in your body as you read those? Notice where you tighten up and where you open. That opening's your energy saying 'yes'.

What my body taught me about allowing

During my years of illness, I learnt that pushing against my body only made everything tighter. Listening to it, moment by moment, alongside all the care I was getting, changed how I lived inside it.

That listening looked like noticing the thoughts that came up on the hard days and letting them move through me instead of arguing with them, and noticing the emotions that were there and giving them somewhere to go. And it looked like noticing the support I was offering my body, and the support I was holding back from it, and choosing differently.

I took it moment by moment. I didn't push for it all to change overnight, and I let it evolve at a pace that felt comfortable, so I was never overwhelmed in any one moment.

What happens when you start allowing?

Once you start allowing, you see more ways of doing things differently. Your resources seem to multiply, coz now you can finally see all of them instead of only the few you're used to relying on.

My whole experience of my body changed. I started to see it as a beautiful part of me that I get to take care of, and I could see how it supports me in every moment of my life. I was excited to support it back. We became a team, my body and me😍

This is the beauty of the in-between season, the space between where you are and where you'd love to be. You don't have to rush across it. You get to walk it, one step at a time, and let it be kind.